ACCEPTING MARITAL RESPOSIBILITY

Accepting Marital Responsibilities

Life is all about responsibilities because the first thing God did after He created man was to give him responsibilities. First, God put Adam in the garden to dress and keep it, then He brought all the animals to him and told him to name them. After that, God gave him a wife to take care of. So, marriage is not just a social thing, it is a responsibility. A man is not due for marriage because of his age but because of his ability to handle responsibilities. The ability to assume responsibility is the proof of maturity. Your stewardship extends to the area of marriage because you are there as a privileged care-taker who would be required to give account of what has been committed into your hand. This is the understanding you need to enjoy family success. See yourself as a steward in that family, whether you are a husband or a wife. And as a steward, the first thing you must do is to understand your role and accept the responsibilities attached to it.


ARE YOU BEHAVING AS YOU SHOULD?

As a man for instance, you don’t need to keep reminding your wife, “I am the head of this family.” If you behave as the head, she will have no choice but to respect and submit to you. What you say is not as important as how you behave. It is when people fail in their responsibilities that they begin to announce themselves. If a woman behaves very well towards her husband’s relations for instance, they will naturally accept and regard her as a good in-law. But if she does not relate well with them, they will call her all kind of names. So, your behaviour is what determines how people relate with you. If your spouse is not relating with you as he or she ought to, then you need to ask yourself, “Am I behaving properly as a husband or a wife?” When you begin to introduce yourself in your home, it is a sign that you have lost value, you have lost your position. And that happens when you have failed in your responsibilities. Both the husband and the wife have responsibilities in the home, in this teaching, we will start by examining the husband’s responsibilities.
A HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY

The man’s number one responsibility is to provide for his family. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim 5:8). One of the reasons for a lot of tension in some homes is because the man does not care for his family. God ordained that a man should care for his family. I don’t discourage women from working but for a man to be dependent on his wife is not proper, it is a sign of irresponsibility. It makes a man to lose respect both in the home and the society. A man gains control over his family affairs as he carries out his duty of providing for them. He must be selflessly committed to his family. He must see himself as the engine of the family, whose duty it is to keep pulling them along and ensuring that they are well catered for.

Apart from providing for your family you have to love them selflessly. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives…” In spite of her shortcomings, you are to love your wife. The greatest frustration of most men is that their wives keep offending them but I always tell men, “It is normal for your wife to offend you.” One of the ways to show that you are truly above her is to keep forgiving and loving her in spite of her offences. That is the way Christ loves the church. And you know the Bible says, “…Love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…”


HOW DO YOU EXPRESS LOVE IN MARRIAGE?

Tenderness: The man must learn to be tender. This means he has to be patient and calm. A woman responds more to feelings than to words. Your words do not touch your wife as much as the expression of your emotions. So you must be sensitive to her feelings. Some times you hear some men say to their wives, “Can’t you do like a man?” She can’t do like a man because it is not her nature. If your wife should do like a man, are you ready to do like a woman? The Bible refers to women as “weaker vessels.” And that means they should be treated with care. Don’t get irritated when something happens and your wife begins to cry, it is her nature. That is just one of the ways women express their feelings.



Firmness: There are times when a man must be firm on what he believes to be right. Any husband that can’t say, ‘no’ to his wife when it is necessary for the well being of the family is a weakling. The husband is the eye of the family; he should be able to see ahead and introduce checks and controls where necessary. I guess Adam was so carried away with tenderness that he forgot to be firm. He was commanded by God not to taste the forbidden fruit but when his wife Eve, brought the fruit to him, rather than rebuke her firmly he took it from her and ate. And that action landed humanity where it is today. As a man, you must be bold to lead, accept your responsibility as the head of the family because when you went after that woman asking for her hand in marriage you were simply saying, “I want to add you to my responsibilities.” Moreover, after Adam and Eve ate the fruit that God told them not to eat, the first person God called when He arrived the scene was Adam. So, as the head and leader of your family, God holds you responsible for everything that happens there.

 Proper planning: Planning is setting priorities. Make plans for the well-being of your family and for the future. A man that loves his family will plan for their upkeep. Also, to make your wife happy don’t forget her relations, care for them as much as you can. God bless you as you awake to your responsibilities, in Jesus’ name.