MARRIAGE PROCESS

Marriage Processes


Many people think that marriage is just when a man and a woman come together and begin to live under the same roof. There is more to it! There are principles that must be followed in order to make it work. Things do not work because of the personalities involved but because of the principles applied. Marriage is a process of adjustment, agreement, appreciation and total commitment to one another for better living.

Let us examine each of these processes closely.

Adjustment

The process of adjustment involves making necessary changes in order to conform or fit into a new way of life or a new environment. In marriage, there is no end to adjustment. If you want your marriage to work, you have to keep adjusting in all ways and all areas of life to make your relationship better daily. You can’t say, “This is the way my parents used to do it or this is the way they do it in our culture.” You must be ready to adjust to your partner, to life as a married manor woman, and to do everything according to the injunction of scriptures.

Adjustment means making little changes where and when necessary in order to correct or improve your relationship. The reason for adjustment is that every individual is unique. No matter the similarities or the level of love between a couple, they still have their differences. It is also possible that they come from different backgrounds, different cultures, with different upbringing, etc. Moreover, God made men and women different. They think differently, react differently to the same situations and their needs are different, so for a couple to fit in as marriage partners and become one, there must be adjustment, especially in their behavioral pattern and way of thinking. For instance, as a married man or woman, you can not continue to think or act like a single person, your perspective and attitude must change. If as a wife, for instance you like to keep your hair long but your husband wants you to keep low cut, you should make up your mind to adjust immediately; you don’t have to fight over it because the Bible makes it clear that your husband is the owner of your body. If as a man you discover that your wife does not like sleeping with lights on, but you like the lights on, you can use a colored bulb so that the light is not too bright for her and at the same time, not too dark for you. By so doing, both of you would be satisfied and there would be peace. That is adjustment.

Agreement

Agreement is a product of adjustment. Where there is no adjustment there can be no agreement and where there is no agreement there would be no peace. Marriage thrives on agreement not arguments. Two people cannot walk or live together except they agree (Amos 3.3). Agreement comes as a result of harmony of opinions between a couple. No one person knows it all. Couples must endeavour to create an atmosphere for productive dialogue rather than remaining silent with so many issues bottled up within. Even God says, “Come let us reason together...produce your strong cause, let us plead together” (Isa. 1:18, 43:26). That is the principle you must adopt to encourage agreement in your home. However, dialogue must never be allowed to degenerate into argument. An argument only confirms people in their own opinions and has never brought solution. The best way to encourage agreement, is to always turn to the word of God for guidance.

Agreement has benefits. The Bible says when you dwell together in unity, you enjoy blessings that you don’t even deserve (Psalm 133). Also, when there is agreement, trust is reinforced and this helps to guard against separation or divorce.

Appreciation

Marriage is all about appreciation. Nothing provokes a man to better performance like appreciation. You cannot appreciate people enough; the more you do it the more appreciated you become. How much do you value or admire your spouse? Your value determines the level of respect that you have for one another. The person you don’t appreciate tends to depreciate; he or she will lack inspiration and aspiration for new things. You must learn to appreciate your spouse. It is God’s nature to always appreciate, that was why after He created the first man and woman, He looked at them and blessed them. That is appreciation. Always appreciate your spouse. Compliment your spouse instead of comparing him or her with others. Remember, comparison is the game of fools while appreciation gives no room to a complaining spirit.

With this understanding, you have the right foundation for a stable family relationship. I decree peace to your marriage this day!